The Pathankot Attack and Us

7 Defense personnel die trying to fish out 6 terrorists.
I am no expert, but it sounds incredible!

Why the life of our soldiers so cheap? Why are we not better equipped to handle such situations, particularly when the aerial surveillance at the base spotted the terrorists as they entered the compound? I am not even making comparisons with the US or the Brits. Not even saying how an elite group of soldiers flew to another country (another air space), reached their most hated enemy and neutralized him in a matter a few hours without a scratch. If this is what 6 terrorists can do, what happens when an army attacks? Have we not upgrade ourselves to the latest technologies available?

I could be entirely wrong, but the families who are left devastated in the beginning of a new year shall never be mended again. We may hail them as martyrs (and forget about them the next moment), post their pictures in our FB (and change our profile pic to Indian flag) and send our salutes - but for the grieving families it doesn't sum up to anything. The armed forces and their families need more than this.

As someone said, you don't win a battle by dying, but by living and killing the enemy - and this is our eternal enemy, should we not be better prepared?

I am actually furious! What the bloody hell!

Picture from Indian Express

‪#‎PATHANKOT‬ ‪#‎IndianArmy‬ #PathankotAttack 

Media, Politics and Stupid Indians

I am seeing this forward from WhatsApp (as someone claimed) and / or somewhere else where personal lives of people (read people in media) are being discussed and being put under microscope to prove that these media people are acting with the Congress to prove India is no more secular and has turned communal.

I have just two things to say here:

1. When did the ruling party and its allied organizations become scared of media? I know they are using media (digital and conventional, to earn their 15 mins regularly).

2. If I was not disgusted earlier with whatever is happening, I am really disgusted at thinking what kind of people do such personal attacks on others? I know, 99% of our political office bearers, their chamchaas and their ass lickers are uneducated, crude, and gross, and I also understand in politics, people go to any extent to mud and shit throwing; but I am appalled at the so called educated, intelligent, cream of the society / region / nation who not only read such absolutely disgusting things but also forward them in their own profile here in FB (and otherwise) or simply copy paste them as their own post / thought!

Why can't we debate on a subject, a topic, an idea or a thought and not get personal? Why we, as a nation, has still not learnt to debate on a topic without personal attacks? Why are we not respectful to others' opinions and have to always demonstrate disrespect the moment someone says something that we do not believe in?

We can't expect that from our political parties and their chairholders. But, we as individuals, as rational and educated being, have to do that. After all, what is the value of our degrees, if we don't know how to properly disagree with what we don't agree. Why we are so uncouth? Why are we so irrational? Why are we so resentful of people who are not like us?

Where are the people who can think originally without being brainwashed by others?

I am not just pissed, I am scared. If we don't have original thinkers in our country any more, we are doomed. For good. We shall never be the country we thought we were and aspire it would be one day again.

Random Thought...

Every city has a smell. Even memories have smell too. Sometimes a smell triggers a strong memory- something long forgotten in the past. Kolkata smells of my childhood, Delhi reminds me of a battered life. Chennai has a hot n humid smell of togetherness and separation. Hyderabad smells empty. Pune has a confused smell. Bangalore has the smell of 4 seasons in one day. We are made of memories. Memories are made of us. And mostly they smell pure and passionate.

Learning Life - in bits and pieces

"Picking up experiences every day, some in amusement, some in wonder and some in utter bewilderment. One thing that I have learnt over the years, is never to question such experiences or put them in comparison with others. That has saved my life from becoming cynical, judgemental or skeptical.

It's good to see old matured people becoming child at times - their unabashed laughter killing the last bit of their awe inspiring personality for the moment. Its heartening to see ordinary people becoming extraordinary when they unknowingly become someone's saving angel. Its amusing to see people unable to break their insecurity and behave in petty, selfish manner.

It's been fascinating so far, and I am hungry to learn.
I may live alone, but I can never be lonely.
Loving life doesn't come easy, particularly in a time when we live; but I am lucky that life chose me to love her. I am blessed."

Restless Me

Restless I am

And that's what you have done to me

Since the time I looked through your eyes

And felt the weakness in my knees.

There was a little touch of our fingers

when our hands brushed by

a wave in my heart

and a drop of a sigh.

To see you I have to wait

The longest I ever did

days seem never to end

and night planting seed -

               of my dreams in the future

               that lies in your hand

               I am ready to plunge again

               In the eternal world of love.

Do we have right to celebrate Swami Vivekanda's 150th Birthday?

Every one seems to want to catch the glory of celebrating 150th Birthday of Swami Vivekananda today; I just hope and wish all these people truly understood what he did and what he wanted us to do. The BJP has made Swamiji their poster-boy, an audacity which perplexes me and I am hoping it brings the same emotion to a few other people too.

I am seeing full page ads in TOI (pretty expensive ones, I must say) by people / organizations / netas who are competing to prove their allegiance to the notion of nation that Swamiji dreamt off, however they seem to reek with religious undertones.

For a whole mass of Indians for whom religion and spirituality are one and same, and for those who don't know that Swamiji considered nation building as the most important responsibility of the youth of our country and not wasting time in useless religious practices - his 150th Birthday celebration with such fan fare looks like a big empty vessel which only makes lot of obscene noises...

Rape in India - an old story in and out of our houses

Girl / woman of no age is spared. A 40 year old man sexually abuses a 6 year old girl everyday in Bangalore; A group of drunken men in their posh car, rapes a women in Kolkata, a bus driver and his friends rape a girl in a bus one by one and then inserts a rod in her vagina, then ultimately throwing her out of the bus.
was that 6 year old girl inappropriately dressed? drunk? coming out of late night party? asked for sex? 6 year old girls are just 1 graders - they are not even "sexually" formed!

And are these just 3 random cases? No way, a statistics show that since 1971, percentage of rape has gone up by some 870%!

Derek O'Brien says "it's not a woman's problem; it is the man's problem" And I can't agree more.
But what is it that is so so horribly wrong with men? (no generalization here, though)
I am one of those lucky few, whose father didn't behead us because we fell for men outside our communities; neither did my brother shoot me and my lover in the head. Or, for that matter, my husband didn't burn me alive for more dowry.

But the shocking realization is that we, the women, are not safe even with our male family members! the father, the brother, or the husband - who are "supposed" to keep us safe.
Are we not the "thing" or "property" that gets handed over by our fathers through "kanya dan" to our husbands. Our fathers can "give us away", because they possess us. And then our husbands "use" those possessions as they wish to.

So, what are we at the end of the day or end of our life?

An object which can be used, misused, abused, treated, punished, revenged upon by another human species?
And a subject which can be discussed, maligned, raised fingered upon, given guidelines to live and behave, and changed ?

At our homes, we know, in the heart of our hearts, we are not equal, we are a dozen notches below them, we are to serve, to sacrifice and not to complain or demand, else we are labelled trouble-makers, rebels, or witches.

And that's how we are growing up in our homes for thousands of years of our "civilized" history. That's how the other "human" species are growing up too. In a household, a wife is supposed to please her husband irrespective of what, and the husband in turn can treat her as he pleases and when he pleases so.

Then, how can her son be taught how to treat another woman? He grows up with the feeling, idea, believe and faith that it is ok to "do" whatever he can with a woman - his sister, daughter, wife or someone else's.

And that's what that is wrong with them.
And that's why they can insert a rod in a woman's vagina after raping her.
That's why they can rape 6 year olds.
That's why they issue fatwa to gang rape a women from another community.
That's why they can behead their daughters to keep their honour.
That's why they can complain that they woman was not properly dressed.
That's why all gaalis / abuses in any language has only mothers or sisters to be fucked.

Of course, they are the Men - they are supposed to keep their zips open, and penis erect  and ready to dispense semen from the never ending source. And of course they need a woman to do that - whether she wants it or not, whether she is at home or on the bus; whether she is just a baby or an old wrinkled woman.
After all, they rule the world, they create the rule books and they keep the women in pardah to make sure their libidos are in check (if that was ever possible).

I am not sorry if my male friends, acquaintances, colleagues and sundry other men here feel offended;  simply because I know that while a whole lot of you are not like these men described above but there are still quite a few  who wouldn't mind trying their "hand" if the situation comes. So, sorry - No Apologies.

What's happening in West Bengal??!

Something very funny happening in West Bengal. I never seen such amount of negative publicity about the state's CM, and everyone seems to be "very" unhappy. Hmmn... were these people very happy with the previous 34 years of rule by another party? if yes, why did they change it? why were they complaining about all the bad n wrong things that that govt did for the state; how that long 34 years of rule has destroyed economy, biz, infrastructure, education, medical care, people's attitude to work, etc.

I think the issue is different. All these people (I dont stay in WB, hence didnt vote) had GREAT Expectations from the new government. The expectation from a single woman who will use her magic wand and erase everything bad or not so good in matter of days... opps.. minutes may be. And that single woman, who used her charm and eccentricity to dislodge the old government of many years, decided to put herself on a Head Mistress role, rather than being a Crusader who was expected to find rots and wash it away with a broom.

However, it's still less than a year since things have changed. I could imagine people going berserk with a new found freedom and enthusiasm after 3 n half decade of dreamless state of things. But time is running out. For everyone. In the age of instate messaging and noodles, people want instant results; they don't want to know that you have started with nothing but an accumulation of all bad things in the state. Where is your wand, dear CM? We don't need your ruler? We are all grown up and matured people of this world, and so called intellectuals. The famous Bengali Intellectuals - who could sat silently for 34 years doing absolutely nothing but now on our foot to wage a war. It's scary, at least for me. Can't imagine what would happen if the old power comes back to rule. Will they punish the people of West Bengal from straying away from them? for betraying them by electing others? well, we have such incidents before. Time is running away for the new CM as well as for the people of WB.

No, I am not a didi fan. I am an outsider to the state who is looking at the circus going on here and wondering "what the hell !" Who could put some sense to the people and their very elected government? Our existence is at stake!!

What's the Problem?

I am not scared of disappointments anymore; but maybe I am scared of good things happening in life. I end up resisting good things coming to me and then I end up pushing them back even if I had got some of them by mistake.

It’s not that I am being negative; but its simply that I am striving to move towards a phase where I will be rid of all expectations. In Hindu philosophy, this could be what sages described as ‘Nirvana’, but for me, this is simple survival tactics.

I stopped believing in miracles. Some of you may say that being born and living in this world is miracle by itself. But I don’t actually subscribe to that thought. I was born because of my parents, and I wouldn’t have been me, if they were not my parents; or if they had chosen not to have me.

So, when it’s a matter of chance, there is no scope for miracles.

A friend of mine told me that my problems lie within. Perhaps he is true. I might be carrying my problems. As a rational human being I have tried to understand the biology and the psychology of human beings and how their thinking pattern evolves over the period of time. And going by that, I disagree with my friend. No, the problem is NOT within me. But, I am within the problem. I am not trying to get rid of my responsibilities; rather I am looking forward to my responsibility of fixing where I am – the problem, I mean.

From a more emotional and personal point of view, I don’t really see any problem. That’s a good thing and a bad thing. I am only trying to believe that people are different with different thinking habits, patterns, capabilities which are more influenced by culture, upbringing, education, open mindedness, adaptability, etc - and the smart thing to do is to accept and understand these differences among people around us. And if that is possible, then we will not tell someone else, what is his/her problem and where it lies. We can, however, most certainly, try to help them solve their problem if we are asked to do so. But until then, it’s wise to be managing our own problems and fixing them for good.

been ages... I miss being me...

My Birthday

Hmmn… whenever I get near to my birthday, I start feeling very edgy. I get a feeling that I need to run away somewhere, or hide myself in a corner, and wish no one remembers this date.
I know my parents n my bro will remember it, and so will a very few but close people – but can’t they forget it somehow!!

I don’t know why I hate my birthdays so much, may be because I grew up knowing that it was a big mistake that I was born after all. Everyone has stories in their life, so do I. So what? I don’t need to romanticize that now; at this age!

But may be I never really understood who I am… Am I the grown up, big girl who wants so desperately to get back her childhood? Or, am I someone who is already tired of the iron mask on her face put on to fit into the civilized world? Am I the daughter, or the sister? The business woman? Or the wanna be writer who writes random thoughts and calls them poem? Am I the person who shifted 6 cities in 10 years ? or am I the one who wants to build a small home in a small village on the snow-clad hills? Am I the one who crave for love? Or am I the one who ignores love as a useless accessory?

Who am I? Who is Bhumi Suta? Is she for real? Or she is just an alter ego of someone else?

Hell! No! I am sounding confused, man! How can I sound so lost? Am not the brave woman of today who can face all challenges in life and not ask for any help? Then? I will again cut my birthday cake, blow off the candle , party all night and say “Thank You” to whoever wishes me well… what the hell! Am I becoming the person I am wearing the mask of???

Just call it quit!

Memoirs of my Bangladesh trip is yet to be shared; while my mind is full of stories and happy and delightful experiences from there, I am just too occupied to gather myself together for the time required to pen down those thoughts. Not good!

However, there is something that has suddenly forced me to take up my pen, sorry the key board, and use them for my very personal purpose.

How do we feel when we lose something dear to our heart? Painful will be too mild a word to even begin to describe our feelings. And when we lose something in spite of our best intention of keeping them with us or making ourselves available around these things - it might end up giving us a sense of shock or disbelieve.

Take for example friends. Sometimes we end up giving so much to a friend and then suddenly one fine day, we realize that our relationship was too fragile to last even a commotion in our noisy, day 2 day life. It gets us wonder whether it was friendship in the first place! Friends are supposed to be there irrespective of what or how we are and how vigorously we might fight over some non issue!

Or, maybe there are selfish motives behind this sudden fragility of the relation – it now requires the relation to be over.At least for me, it makes me suspicious of myself - of my capabilities to be a friend, to hold on to a relation, or to my inabilities to understand the basic human character.

Can we love someone so much that we end up hating them? Is the reverse possible? Can we just not care about something at all and then end up loathing them like hell as well? Why everything has to be so negative? Why everything tends to end with a failure.

Yes, there is always a cause-and-effect relationship for everything, but then who decides what’s the cause and if that’s the justified effect?

Someone very dear to me is causing me hurt, he made me shed tears and feel helpless. I was very sad when it first happened. Then I grew confused. Now I am quite sure why he is doing this.

Dear friend, you just had to tell me “Shut up! And Go!”. There were no needs for this long foreplay to push me away!

But, anyway, whatever …

Home Sweet Home!

I reached Bangalore on thursday morning, and when i opened my laptop to check my emails, I had a message from reliance telecom in my replicator, it said - "welcome home!" Yes! thats exactly the feeling i got when I stepped down from the bus this cool thursday morning. For the next couple of days I walked around the places I used to frequent while staying here, caught up with some friends, went to the familiar bar lounge, did some road-side shopping at the Brigade Road...

Yesterday, I was supposed to go out for dinner with an old friend of mine, but it got cancelled at the last moment. So, instead, I took a stroll along the 12th Main toward the CMH Road side. And then I got back the same feeling that most often than not I used to get in such similar lonely afternoon when I had no one to meet, see, talk or just walk with... for the last 10 years... in Pune, Chennai, Bangalore, and in Delhi; the feeling of not belonging to anyone or anything, a feeling of not being able to touch those seemingly dormant feelings lying scattered somewhere around your heart. I was alone, lonely and I was sad.

I have now moved to Kolkata, to my home, to my roots. Its hot and humid there, its too many people on road, its too chaotic, and still alone, but what the hell! I am no more lonely; and I am no more sad. Thats my home, sweet, home.

I get a feeling that I needed this fall back cushion before I leap on to my next adventure and a new destination.

Jai Ho!

My love story

You know,

I fell in love with you the first time I saw you,
The first time you walked up to me and handed over your thoughts
The first time you smiled and borrowed my painting brush
The first time you sat on the floor and looked at me and smiled
The first time you called my name and shook my hand
The first time you poured me a glass of water and shared your lunch
The first time you fought with me and swore never to turn back
The first time you kissed your girlfriend and thought of me in your mind…

I remember,

The first time you touched my lips with your fingers
The first time you kissed my forehead
The first time you bought me the daisies
The first time you hold my hand

And,

The first time I knew what you meant
The first time I saw a dream
The first time I smiled when I cried
The first time you made me live.

Then,

The first time you walked away from me
The first time you hurt my soul
The first time you made me cry
The first time you left me all alone

The first time you laughed when I was blue
The first time you cared less when I was sick
The first time you shut your doors on me.
And the first time you made me think…

Each time I skipped a beat in my heart
And lost my words to say…
Though you will remain in my heart forever
The time has drifted away.
The first time since we met…

Delhi Once Again

Delhi was never my choicest destination, except this time. I guess it also depends why you are there and with whom. When I was intimated that I had to go to Delhi for couple of days, it was more of “not there” attitude than anything else. I had lived there for about 7-8 months once and then visited there quite often; but I never really got fond of it. And there were no fond memories there as well.

It was a bright sunny Monday morning when I landed in Delhi. The sky was clear, weather awesome, and people in a chilled out festive mood. From the airport, my first destination was Bengali Market, where I love to indulge in those yummy aloo tikki and lassi. Having dumped my luggage in the hotel and after a quick bath, it was time for some work. But as soon as I finished with my work, I headed straight to the Khan Market and my eyes where greeted with fresh green vegetables and fruits and then lots and lots of Christmas tit bits – it was all red and green every where.

But hang on, that’s not the end of it at Khan Market. How can one resist Khan Chacha’s mutton tikki role? Ummnnn… its still melting in my mouth…
There is something that is very interesting that I saw in Delhi this time (yes, I insist on this time). All stray dogs (my father lovingly calls them Roadasians), were wearing warm clothes. I saw that all over Delhi. In Fact, in some places, I even saw some mattresses kept on the footpaths where dogs take shelter at night. Pretty amazing.

Hmmn… what I got from there? Wanted to buy some woolens and a nice warm jacket. But ended up buying a box full of strawberries, cherries, and a big plum cake. Just imagine that!

Today we are all Mumbaikars, Tomorrow lets all be Indians

Yesterday was my birthday, and it was one of my first in Kolkata in many years. My friends had planned for a big celebration, a party and lots of fun. But it was a unanimous decision to cancel the celebration by all of us. Simply we didn’t feel like having fun. We didn’t feel like celebrating.

It’s not about me alone or my friends. It’s not about Kolkata also. I got a feeling talking to people around the country how shocked, angry, sympathetic, and lost they are now feeling. In fact for some people, who since long time stopped thinking but only living their lives, they have taken a break too, to think. And that’s the silver lining I saw. It’s an unprecedented event that brought the entire nation together irrespective of their religion, region, caste or creed. And it has brought them together against one big fat enemy – the power sucking politicians. (I was aghast to see Narindra Modi visiting the Trident and making that speech!)

Terrorism is a day to day affair now. It can happen anywhere, at any time. It can affect any one of us now. We are scared. We are skeptical. We are horrified. But we are united too – in pain, in courage, in support, in emotion. We, however, know that terrorism is something that we can fight staying united. We, however, don’t know if we can fight irresponsible and selfish men at power (or seeking to be at power) or trust them with our lives anymore. But it gives me a strange feeling in the corner of my heart, that today, when 1 Billion people stand together as Mumbaikars, tomorrow we can all stand tall as Indians – against terrorism and people who showed they never cared.

Leaving emotions aside, it has now become important that we, as common citizens of India, be more responsible for ourselves and other people around us. We need to be alert, helpful and cooperative. Let’s not wait until the gun is fired at my family, let’s jump when it is aimed at my neighbor too.

Suheil Seth, on a TV Channel, had said something important – “We want to be first world country, but we are third world in mentality”. I am sure he said that out of sheer exasperation. And I share his emotion. However, somehow as I said earlier, I get a feeling, that we have, over the last 61 hours reached our “Chakde India” state. And that’s all first world…

Mr. Raj Thakrey, Welcome Home!

This time Diwali bought some mixed feelings to me. Of course, I was at Kolkata for Diwali after a long long time, and managed to light some diyas and burst some crackers at Kolkata, but a few incidents here and there put me in a rather thought full mode.

No. 1 was of course the killing of Rahul Raj and the shameless face of Raj Thakrey. I wouldn’t consider Raj Thakrey to be any kind of a political leader or any body for that matter, and I know he and his party is up to some mindless trick with the local people on issues that are non existent. However, given the fact, it has managed to trigger reactions from otherwise quite studious young men like Rahul Raj, who unnecessarily gave his life in the whole drama.
I have a few questions bothering me on this. Why did the Mumbai Police deploy such a big force against a “threatening” “criminal” who was scaring people with a country made pistol? The same police has so far, watched mutely, the beatings inflicted upon the poor “bhaiyas” by the MNS goons. Yes, of course there is more to this than meets the eye.

I was coming back to my home from my parent’s house the day after the diwali. Near my house, in a very modest neighborhood, there were these young slum dwellers who had organized a Kali Puja in their locality. Being lived in Chennai for 4 years, I was absolutely taken aback, when I heard the song “Appri pode” being played in the loudspeaker. “That’s a Tamil song!” I pointed out to my mother who was also with me. “So what?” she looked surprised…

I thought hard on this. For my mother who comes from an educated, liberal Bengali family, thinking like this was not surprising - we have grown up in such environment where every one is accepted at their own merit. But, for those who seem to have never gone to school, playing a Tamil song for one of their most important festivals, was surely something to think about.

In one of my earlier posts I had expressed my desire to import Mr. Raj Thakrey to Cuba. This time I think, I would like to invite him home.

Random thoughts 2

1. Came back to Kolkata after almost 9 years. It was a very hard decision; but it was something that I had to do; may be to prove to myself, if not to others, that I was not wrong. But somehow, I get a feeling that may be I should be proved wrong. Who knows what will that mean to me?

Got a pretty decent apartment in a not so decent locality. I will have to sacrifice my daily dose of Nestle Dehi, slim milk and Tropicana Apple Juice. Couldn’t believe myself when the next door grocer said he didn’t have eggs in stock! That was simply too much.
It was Durga puja time as well. Last year I was in Shantiniketan with my parents and bro during puja, this time I was at home with them and working all most full time. Not too bad either.

Somehow, I am not getting used to Kolkata anymore. It’s the same place that I had left 9 years back; and that’s exactly is the problem. It has not changed a bit, with the single exception of its population which seems to have increased in geometric progression. Sometimes, when I have tried to walk on the streets of Kolkata I almost felt I will run out of space to put my next foot. Where do all these people come from?

But pujo was different. I mean the days of the pujo. It’s such an awesome feeling. I was working till 3 AM on Astami morning, then slept for a few hours to get up and get ready on time for the ‘anjali’ on this special day. When I left home to go to my dad’s friend’s house where they were doing the pujo, it was such a beautiful morning. New clothes, warm greetings, clean roads, and a beautiful autumn sky made it the perfect pujo day. I loved it so much. But a big city like Kolkata cannot remain like that on every other day, and that’s a pity.


2. Falling in love was never too difficult for me, falling out of it was always that I had to force myself into. It’s hilarious at times. And I have very weired reasons to fall in love also! Like, I go head over heels with someone because I simply love the way he writes and that too without even seeing him in person, ever! This time it was very different though. I was with a very close friend of mine and we were at a disc. And he is a terrific dancer. When we were doing our salsa steps and he made me swing on the floor, I prayed to God, “Please, don’t make me fall for him!” But, when was it that God ever listened to lesser mortals like us!

Random Thoughts...

These are some random thoughts which came to my mind recently. Read them at your own risk.

1. I have a friend in Bangalore (originally from Kolkata, from the same school that I went to, and a Das Gupta!) who is a confirmed atheist. We were exchanging some rather harmless emails on certain weird business concept, when I got this opportunity to prick him on his non-beliefs. Interestingly after a few heated exchanges of emails, he got upset. Am wondering, is it because I showed doubts on his beliefs of non-beliefs or his non-beliefs of beliefs! Hmmn… confusing.

Hey! Don’t get mad at me!!! Just kidding.

2. Who the hell is this Raj Thackeray? I guess he has forgotten he lives in India and not in Maharastra! Democracy is so bad at times that it gives cynical and opportunists like him to act in whatever way they want to. I am thinking of gifting him a one-way ticket to either Cuba or China (see, I didn’t mention Middle East or Afghanistan or Pakistan!) and shall request their government to give him permanent residency. Any one here to pitch in and contribute towards the cost of ticket?

3. Love is rather funny, weird, interesting and very different from one person to person! I was dating this cute Italian guy who, one of these days, decided to pay a visit to my house. Now on the very same day my 20 year old teenager cousin was also present at my house. Sitting in my living room and expressing his emotions and feelings rather visibly towards me, he was almost about to pull me and kiss (not being too accustomed to Indian ways, I guess), when I shrieked and shouted and stopped him saying “my cousin is around”. It was amusing to see how his expression changed. He simply muttered “hmmn.. Don’t remember seeing any couple kissing each other in the streets of Bangalore!”

Now, exactly 5 days later my kid cousin went for a date (with a friend of mine). When both of them came back to my home just around midnight, I was in for a shock. That’s the first time these two had gone out together, and must have met hardly twice before. But that didn’t stop them from behaving like century old lovers, right in front of me or at my back! And their giggles and murmurs and what not kept me awake even in my bedroom until 4.30 in the morning!!!

And look at me? I let go of my Italian dude for ever :( I am not sure if I am more mad at them or at me!

A Full Circle

Being alone is not so easy. Its fun at times, it chilled and rocking too. It also gives a sense of freedom, a lightheartedness and lots of independence to chase your dreams. But what about all the tears, the sleepless nights, the drunken phase under the sky in the balcony, desperate search for a shoulder to lean on to, fear of losing sanity, no one to share little joys in life or someone to get you a medicine or bring you a cup of hot Darjeeling tea when you are not well?

There are plenty of strong women in this world, some are born strong, while others, like me, are forced to assume strength.

But there are times when small and rather innocent acts by others shake the very foundation of such strengths.

They say it’s so much great to love someone and to this I add, its so great to give your love away… simply letting your love slip away from your palm because that’s what he / she wants. Does such stupid but perceived “selfless” act makes one more strong? No, not until you have killed yourself 100 more times and walked on the path of fire… and it is exactly at these time you shed tears, spent sleepless nights, get drunk under the sky in your balcony and desperately look for a company just not to feel left alone in pain and darkness … until you once again pick up the strength, start feeling good, have fun, get chilled and rock the world…

It continues…