First Date Stories: 1

He: "Hey! At last we meet"

She: "At last"
He: "You really want to sit at the bar?"
She: "Why?"
He: "We can sit at the lounge area. More comfy."
She: "Ok"

Moving to the other side:
He: "You know I was thinking, you should change your glasses."
She: "Hmm... Can we order something to drink?"
He: "oh sure sure"

Beer ordered. Cheers done. One gulp down.

He: "So you drink beer huh?"
She: "Sometimes."
He: "You know what they say in US? If the lady you are with is drinking single malt, you don't have to worry. She will take you home. Ha Ha" laughs at his 'joke'.
She: "This is India."

15 min later.

She: "So what's your story?"
He: "The usual. Work office. I just came back from the US, you know. Oh Man! I love that country. Its the greatest country in the world. And the chicks! I have dated blondes n red heads, Blacks, Hispanic n Latinos! Man they are hot! Gosh I miss America!" He day / night dreams....

She: "Can we get the bill please?"
He: "You mean check? Ok. Then I drop you home."
She: "Thank you. But my brother is coming to pick me up."

Uber booked. Pick up time 2 mins.

A Full Circle

Being alone is not so easy. Its fun at times, it chilled and rocking too. It also gives a sense of freedom, a lightheartedness and lots of independence to chase your dreams. But what about all the tears, the sleepless nights, the drunken phase under the sky in the balcony, desperate search for a shoulder to lean on to, fear of losing sanity, no one to share little joys in life or someone to get you a medicine or bring you a cup of hot Darjeeling tea when you are not well?

There are plenty of strong women in this world, some are born strong, while others, like me, are forced to assume strength.

But there are times when small and rather innocent acts by others shake the very foundation of such strengths.

They say it’s so much great to love someone and to this I add, its so great to give your love away… simply letting your love slip away from your palm because that’s what he / she wants. Does such stupid but perceived “selfless” act makes one more strong? No, not until you have killed yourself 100 more times and walked on the path of fire… and it is exactly at these time you shed tears, spent sleepless nights, get drunk under the sky in your balcony and desperately look for a company just not to feel left alone in pain and darkness … until you once again pick up the strength, start feeling good, have fun, get chilled and rock the world…

It continues…

Shut Up you Jealous Folks!

As a single woman living in a big city, I face this question (or a variation of this) quite often:
“You don’t have a boy friend! You don’t feel lonely?” Initially I tried to explain that I don’t need a boyfriend to not to feel lonely, or I may still feel lonely even if I have a boy friend. But then as the course of the conversation would progress and the number of times it happened with me, I realized, its not my loneliness or the lack of a ‘boy friend’ in my life that these people are worried about; the main question that they want to ask, but cant ask me directly is “how often do I have sex” or “how do I satisfy my sexual needs!”

As I slowly got to realize the main interest behind people’s sympathized face for my loneliness, it made me mad initially. Then it made me laugh quite a bit to myself.
Women & Men, however, react differently.

If it’s a woman, she, unless she is a single too, will look at me disbelievingly with her eyes clearly telling me “who do you think you are fooling?”. But, luckily for me or for them, they leave it at that and don’t proceed further with their inquisitiveness.

With men there are two kinds of reactions:
Either the man becomes so sympathetic with my ‘pathetic loneliness’, that he is up and ready immediately to curb such a situation by ‘offering’ to sleep with me. No, this is not done so indiscreetly, but trust me they suddenly become so ‘kind’ and ‘understanding’, that even a child can clearly understand how much he is ready to ‘sacrifice’ himself just to make sure, I don’t feel lonely for that precise 11 minutes.

The second kinds are even smarter. First they will ask me “how is it possible that an attractive woman like you do not have a boy friend!” Then, when they don’t get any more answers or ‘explanations’ as they would like to get, they say “but last time when we met, you told me about that married guy you met”; or , “I remember you telling me that you met someone in that party thrown by your friends!”

Wah! Wah! Wouldn’t they have been better being in the law profession or written exams for IPS? Man! They would have really made the hardest core of criminals confess their crimes. What a loss !!!

Interestingly, no one has yet made any comments about me being a lesbian. But may be soon, I will hear that too. But that’s ok. As a rebellious girl child of a middle class Bengali family, I have chosen to lead an unconventional life strictly as per my principles and values in life. So, there is no way that I will be bothered about petty jealousies by people who couldn’t dare to live their own life. Sorry folks. Try some one else…

Life is lost...

Everyday morning I get up at 6.30 am. The first thing that I do once I leave my bed is to switch on the geyser. Then I slowly move towards the kitchen put some water on boil and prepare my cup of tea…trying to kick myself to complete awakeness…

By 7:35 I get ready, grab my breakfast, lock the door and rush towards the bus stop…I need to get into the 7.45 bus to reach my office on time on a week day; on Saturdays, I can have the leisure of choosing between the 8:10 or the 8:30 bus! (I can’t complain though – its one of those few Volvo buses who do us the honor of picking us up whenever they feel so)

By the time I get back home after the entire day’s ordeal it’s almost 9:45 at night. Now I need to prepare my dinner, wash my clothes left in the morning and then with a book at my side, I plunge in to my bed…the book at most times, remain untouched.

Saturdays are fun! I go to the shop – to buy my weekly rations of milk, cornflakes, bread, fruits and any other thing that grabs my fancy for the moment. I hurry back, fix myself a drink or two, watch a movie on the television, make some dinner for myself (the quick fix types) and feeling euphoric to finish one more week in life go for an unhurried sleep to welcome the Sunday.

So, what’s wrong with this? Nothing if you look from the surface. I have no family to take care of, no rules to play by, or no one to ask me questions…I am the Boss of my life.

Or am I?

But then, I don’t have any friends, I don’t get time to indulge in any of my passions, I hardly travel to other places any more and I don’t have any body to talk to once I open my door to my house everyday at night. I know I am saving my life by not talking much during the day, but I am killing myself with loneliness otherwise…

The other day a long-distance friend asked me a strange question “Susmita, are you happy?” It made me thinking. Though my answer to him was “Happiness is a state of mind, and so whenever I can condition my mind to happiness I am happy”; but it’s not entirely true…we need the right recipe to condition ourselves to happiness also!

It’s a major dilemma in life. The life I lead is chosen by me and I don’t complain. And I know like me there are many other men n women who are confused with their life and about its meaning. But the hitch remains…the sleep is not undisturbed, the mornings not inviting and meaning to live still lost somewhere in the chaos of life’s circus.