I have been on the bed for the last 3 days. My back has given up on me at last and has gone on a strike; the punishment bestowed on me for ignoring the signals of trouble for quite sometimes now. I have been taught a lesson.
It made me wondering. How nice it would be to replicate this act of vengeance in our personal life! ‘You don’t listen to me! Now see!!’ types. Lols and some more lols. Hmmn. I am already day dreaming.
There will be plenty of things (read people!) on which I will love to use this tit-for-tat thing, just for fun, and to see how they cope up with them. It will be real fun.
It will also be a reminder that people cannot be taken for granted, whatever be the relation. Value them and you get yourself respected in return. Treat them bad, and God save your soul.
What do you think a world would be like if this is practiced? Of course, I am not talking about the Osama & Bush kind of conflict. I am merely suggesting a scenario of tit-for-tat in our daily domestic life. Will it be more selfish life than now? Or, will it create a sense of fear and loss to stimulate better relationship management? I am not sure. Any takers?
Monday, December 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Metro is coming to Bangalore!
Wow! Must be a good news for all Bangalorians. Ok, so let me find out what do they (including me, of course) think.
“My office is 6 km from my home and I pay around Rs.36 to Rs.40 every day. Today I traveled 10 Km and paid Rs.60! I hope my company raises my salary proportionately!”
“The distance I used to cover in 20 min, now takes me almost an hour. What the heck!”
“My fuel expense is going for a toss!”
“Dude! I am ready to leave Bangalore!”
“…but you do have to take some troubles, if you wanna live better!”
“Gosh! I heard it’s gonna take 3-4 years to complete! Why cant our Govt. plan before hand?”
Yes. That’s a US$ 1 Trillion (Rs.41,00,000) question. Anyone to answer?
“My office is 6 km from my home and I pay around Rs.36 to Rs.40 every day. Today I traveled 10 Km and paid Rs.60! I hope my company raises my salary proportionately!”
“The distance I used to cover in 20 min, now takes me almost an hour. What the heck!”
“My fuel expense is going for a toss!”
“Dude! I am ready to leave Bangalore!”
“…but you do have to take some troubles, if you wanna live better!”
“Gosh! I heard it’s gonna take 3-4 years to complete! Why cant our Govt. plan before hand?”
Yes. That’s a US$ 1 Trillion (Rs.41,00,000) question. Anyone to answer?
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The Blessings of Silence
I got this in my mail from an on-line Self enrichment group.... I simply loved it. So I copy it here for you:
"We all feel awkward when faced with the most difficult situations in life like a friend's grief on the loss of a loved one or a diagnosis of cancer to someone you know or even a relative's shocking affair. Your first thought would be to try and think of something to say. Some even get tongue-tied trying to come up with some advice. But you know what you can do better? Keep quiet.
Imagine your friend as a tea kettle that's about to boil. What they're feeling is so confusing that a smallest thing might unbalance whatever semblance of control they have. Remember that everyone at this heightened level of emotion already had all the scenarios played out in their heads even before they came to you. Talking about it is just a way for them to get out the most important of all questions: "what happens now?" Variations of which are: "how do I go on without him?"; "what would I do with the house?"; "how do I tell the kids?"; "what will I do?" etc. Coming to you was their way of slowly coming to terms with the shock of the situation - it happened and much as they wish it never did, the deed was done. And since what they have on their mind is as confusing as a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle, they want to work out the pieces in their proper slot with someone who won't judge them. That's when silence becomes a gift. When you give them silence, it's like permission for them to express their most profound fears or guilt and somehow, that simple action can make them realize that it's not as bad as it seems. Some even find brilliant solutions to their problems all on their own.
So let them talk it out and offer very little comments - even if in the middle of their ramblings you find yourself wanting to jump in with a remark or two. Even if you have been in the same situation as what they're in right now - everybody's problems are different and what worked for you might not work for them. Wait for them to ask you for advice and speak from your experience. Gently remind them though that you don't guarantee its effectiveness or lack thereof. But assure them that you'll be there for them whatever happens.
Bless a frantic heart with silence. Most of the time, a touch, a hug and a listening ear are what they needed more than any other action or pep talk. That just might be the only thing they need."
Happy Reading!
Susmita
"We all feel awkward when faced with the most difficult situations in life like a friend's grief on the loss of a loved one or a diagnosis of cancer to someone you know or even a relative's shocking affair. Your first thought would be to try and think of something to say. Some even get tongue-tied trying to come up with some advice. But you know what you can do better? Keep quiet.
Imagine your friend as a tea kettle that's about to boil. What they're feeling is so confusing that a smallest thing might unbalance whatever semblance of control they have. Remember that everyone at this heightened level of emotion already had all the scenarios played out in their heads even before they came to you. Talking about it is just a way for them to get out the most important of all questions: "what happens now?" Variations of which are: "how do I go on without him?"; "what would I do with the house?"; "how do I tell the kids?"; "what will I do?" etc. Coming to you was their way of slowly coming to terms with the shock of the situation - it happened and much as they wish it never did, the deed was done. And since what they have on their mind is as confusing as a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle, they want to work out the pieces in their proper slot with someone who won't judge them. That's when silence becomes a gift. When you give them silence, it's like permission for them to express their most profound fears or guilt and somehow, that simple action can make them realize that it's not as bad as it seems. Some even find brilliant solutions to their problems all on their own.
So let them talk it out and offer very little comments - even if in the middle of their ramblings you find yourself wanting to jump in with a remark or two. Even if you have been in the same situation as what they're in right now - everybody's problems are different and what worked for you might not work for them. Wait for them to ask you for advice and speak from your experience. Gently remind them though that you don't guarantee its effectiveness or lack thereof. But assure them that you'll be there for them whatever happens.
Bless a frantic heart with silence. Most of the time, a touch, a hug and a listening ear are what they needed more than any other action or pep talk. That just might be the only thing they need."
Happy Reading!
Susmita
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
The Life After
Its been a while since I penned something.
Life has been busy, chaotic, boring and tiring.
I sometimes wonder when we can stop for a moment, take a fresh breathe, enjoy our life and then again move forward. Doesn’t seem like it can ever happen again…
One of my friends pushed me to Art of Living Course sometimes back. The skeptical that I am, was complaining all through the journey from home to the ashram. My friend was sitting patiently next to me with a smile in his lips… I was getting even more annoyed.
By the time I came back, my life had changed…
How that can be possible? I am not sure. But I know some miracle has happened somewhere in my life.
How do I thank my friend who pushed me into this? How much thanks will be enough for what he has done?
Life has been busy, chaotic, boring and tiring.
I sometimes wonder when we can stop for a moment, take a fresh breathe, enjoy our life and then again move forward. Doesn’t seem like it can ever happen again…
One of my friends pushed me to Art of Living Course sometimes back. The skeptical that I am, was complaining all through the journey from home to the ashram. My friend was sitting patiently next to me with a smile in his lips… I was getting even more annoyed.
By the time I came back, my life had changed…
How that can be possible? I am not sure. But I know some miracle has happened somewhere in my life.
How do I thank my friend who pushed me into this? How much thanks will be enough for what he has done?
Friday, May 11, 2007
I agree with you Mr. Ansari
And I thought I was living in a democratic country!
Mr. Iqbal Ansari is seriously surprised “I am surprised at the hue and cry. As a society, it is our duty to protect women…what is wrong with that?”
Nothing wrong Mr. Ansari, other than this that your thinking is just too funny!
There is a saying in Bengali ‘eating food on the floor, because you are upset at the thief (who has stolen your utensils)’! And I have been thinking about this since the time I read Mr. Ansari’s comment in the newspaper and laughing to my heart’s content. Let me add here, I was even joined in my impromptu laughter schedule by a few friends who actually called me up on my mobile phone to convey their dismay!
So much for political amusement!
Ok, let me understand these properly:
1. Does protecting women mean keeping them inside the house and locking them behind bars, because there are some sub-human animals prying on the road?
(Gimme a Break, Dude!)
2. There is another way of course, like wearing a burqa or something, and get covered completely from head to toe, so that the woman doesn’t attract a man’s attention on the road and lure him to jump on her. But, there is a problem too. Even such burqa clad women get raped, assaulted or murdered?
(You don’t believe me? Read it here : http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/w_harassmuslims.htm)
So, we are back to square one. And what is the option left now? Very simple!
Come out with a law where woman will not be allowed to work, go out of their homes or show their faces, because protecting a woman is no more protecting them from the lunatics of the world but protecting them from turning a man into a lunatic. At the end of the day, it’s the woman who induces such behavior towards her. Right? (See, we have learnt the basics so fast!)
And yes, that way our police force can concentrate on more important jobs – like killing a few ‘criminals’ in some cross-country encounters…
Jai Hind!
Mr. Iqbal Ansari is seriously surprised “I am surprised at the hue and cry. As a society, it is our duty to protect women…what is wrong with that?”
Nothing wrong Mr. Ansari, other than this that your thinking is just too funny!
There is a saying in Bengali ‘eating food on the floor, because you are upset at the thief (who has stolen your utensils)’! And I have been thinking about this since the time I read Mr. Ansari’s comment in the newspaper and laughing to my heart’s content. Let me add here, I was even joined in my impromptu laughter schedule by a few friends who actually called me up on my mobile phone to convey their dismay!
So much for political amusement!
Ok, let me understand these properly:
1. Does protecting women mean keeping them inside the house and locking them behind bars, because there are some sub-human animals prying on the road?
(Gimme a Break, Dude!)
2. There is another way of course, like wearing a burqa or something, and get covered completely from head to toe, so that the woman doesn’t attract a man’s attention on the road and lure him to jump on her. But, there is a problem too. Even such burqa clad women get raped, assaulted or murdered?
(You don’t believe me? Read it here : http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/w_harassmuslims.htm)
So, we are back to square one. And what is the option left now? Very simple!
Come out with a law where woman will not be allowed to work, go out of their homes or show their faces, because protecting a woman is no more protecting them from the lunatics of the world but protecting them from turning a man into a lunatic. At the end of the day, it’s the woman who induces such behavior towards her. Right? (See, we have learnt the basics so fast!)
And yes, that way our police force can concentrate on more important jobs – like killing a few ‘criminals’ in some cross-country encounters…
Jai Hind!
Friday, May 04, 2007
For you...
Is a punctured soul better than a punctured heart? A man perhaps loses his identity when a soul is pierced. With the punctured heart, he loses himself…
Vision
“Relations are not fragile, but its the capacity of the heart to take the hit, or the mind to understand why. Sometimes when we reach the brim, it only takes either a push -to fall into the deep dark water, or a pull - towards the sunshine"
“Whenever u hurt me, I get stronger. Do me this favor and make me even more strong.”
“Life is like the sand in your hand. Hold the sand tightly in your hand and don’t let it slip. Else, hold something else.”
“Whenever u hurt me, I get stronger. Do me this favor and make me even more strong.”
“Life is like the sand in your hand. Hold the sand tightly in your hand and don’t let it slip. Else, hold something else.”
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Women Empowerment & Dowry
I went to a friend’s marriage some time back. And I was surprised to find that my friend has taken so many things in dowry, including a car. He works with one of the top software companies in Bangalore, and is from a reasonably well to do family. He is an engineer, and also an MBA.
I was surprised.
I was more surprised when I saw that the girl, whom he married, is highly educated, also works with another leading s/w company, and is much higher than my friend in social standing. I can safely say, if my friend’s background is modest, her’s is upscale.
So, why would someone like her pay dowry and marry a man like my friend? I was rather intrigued.
Now, that they are married, I have the answers.
In my friend’s house, his wife has the last word. And my friend obediently follows whatever she says, and makes sure that even his parents also abide by them.
I was amused now.
But why not? When she has paid money to get married, she has actually ‘bought’ the groom for her. If that is the case, she has to be the master, and he and his family are then bound to listen to all that she says!!!
Jindabad Women Power!!! I only hope that in all Indian families where dowry is given, the girls understand what power they get by doing it. May be then this age old dirty ‘tradition’ will come to an end.
I was surprised.
I was more surprised when I saw that the girl, whom he married, is highly educated, also works with another leading s/w company, and is much higher than my friend in social standing. I can safely say, if my friend’s background is modest, her’s is upscale.
So, why would someone like her pay dowry and marry a man like my friend? I was rather intrigued.
Now, that they are married, I have the answers.
In my friend’s house, his wife has the last word. And my friend obediently follows whatever she says, and makes sure that even his parents also abide by them.
I was amused now.
But why not? When she has paid money to get married, she has actually ‘bought’ the groom for her. If that is the case, she has to be the master, and he and his family are then bound to listen to all that she says!!!
Jindabad Women Power!!! I only hope that in all Indian families where dowry is given, the girls understand what power they get by doing it. May be then this age old dirty ‘tradition’ will come to an end.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The Other side of India Shining!
1. On March 9, the UN Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination (CERD) issued its Concluding Observations regarding India’s compliance with the International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination. The Committee’s report found that “de facto segregation of Dalits persists” and highlighted systematic abuse against Dalits including torture and extrajudicial killings, an “alarming” extent of sexual violence against Dalit women, and caste discrimination in post-tsunami relief.
The report also documents routine violations of Dalits’ right to life and security of person through state-sponsored or sanctioned acts of violence, including torture. Dalit women face multiple forms of discrimination and are frequent targets of sexual abuse. State and private actors enjoy virtual impunity for these crimes.
2. New York-based Human Rights Watch said more than 165 million Dalits -- once known as untouchables -- were "condemned to a lifetime of abuse simply because of their caste".
"Dalits endure segregation in housing, schools, and access to public services," the report titled "Hidden Apartheid: Caste Discrimination against India's Untouchables" said "They are denied access to land, forced to work in degrading conditions and routinely abused at the hands of the police and upper-caste community members who enjoy the state's protection."
The report detailed specific instances of abuse. It said Dalits were still forced to perform jobs considered too "polluting" for others -- 1.3 million dalits, mostly women, were employed to remove human waste from pit latrines manually.
Dalits make up around 160 million of mainly Hindu India's 1.1-billion population.
… by Reuters
3. Presently in India, more than 70% of Christians are Dalits. – Outlook, India
Why is it that India doesn’t seem to bother about an issue, which even international communities have pointed fingers to?
We may ask, of course to America if they forgot the horrible treatment they meted out to their Black slaves! And look at the condition of their own poor black people today, as seen recently during the New Orleans Katrina cyclone.
But, let’s put that question aside. I don’t believe that since America did something wrong once, we can still continue doing that. For that matter, they, as a nation had accepted this as a problem, and had put in laws and legislations to stop or fight the issue.
So, what does India do? They brush the subject and push it below the Kashmiri carpet in a cozy air-conditioned living room of a healthy wealthy socialite.
And why am I bothered? As I wrote in my last post, I love my India…but I don’t see it shining.
Ok, so let’s read this:
1. The Indian Express on 27th March 2007 reports – “A Dalit village in Tirunelveli (TN) got restoration of bus service after 11 years, thanks to the Madras High Court’s order which also directed the police to give adequate protection for operating the buses.”
2. "The Dalit is not only forbidden to enter the home of a Brahmin but he must also not draw water from the same well, nor eat from the same pot or plate. He must not glance at or allow his shadow to fall on the Brahmin. All these acts will pollute the 'pure' Brahmin. The Dalit 'is not only Untouchable, but also Unseeable, Unapproachable, Unshadowable and even Unthinkable', writes by V.T. Rajshekar in his book DALIT: THE BLACK UNTOUCHABLES OF INDIA.
(V.T. RAJSHEKAR is recognized worldwide as one of India's foremost human rights activists and a spokesperson for the Indian Dalits)
Let me give you a personal example:
I was a guest with a family in Vizag (rated one of the up-coming cities in India). There the utensils are washed by a maid, but someone from the house puts them in a small little place away from the house, where the maid is allowed to come, sit and do the cleaning. After that, she puts them in a big container and leaves that near the kitchen door (outside the house). Now, the lady of the house will take a bucket of water and throw that into the container containing the cleaned utensils. After she is sure that the utensils are now purified, she then takes the container inside.
The maid is never allowed to enter the house, and she literally catches the food at the end of her work, which is thrown to her from the kitchen door by my hostess.
After seeing this for a couple of days, I asked the lady of the house why she did that. Not only was she very surprised with my question, she also thought I came from an uncultured family without proper values.
Just to note here, the 3 children that this lady has, one is a school principal, the second works with IBM and the 3rd is a Major with the Indian Army. And no one seems to have any problem with this exercise going on since ever.
I have a few questions.
1. What is it that we, the ‘enlightened, knowledgeable’ ones, the so-called Future of India, the ones who are aware of all our democratic rights, doing about it?
2. Why is it that 70% of dalits are Christians? Is it because Hinduism is too insensitive, or that Christianity too accommodating?
3. Is this issue less important than say a Nandigram, or a Puducherry?
4. Or, are we all those real son-of-a- …. who pretend to be concerned but at the same time cannot think of letting go the comfort of having someone cleaning our shits?
I know no one would be comfortable giving the answers; but can we please start with asking the right questions?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I love India – and it’s a cliché!
The other day a friend of mine asked me post lunch what food I had for lunch. Very proudly I said its rajma and chawal (because I had cooked it myself). My friend says “oh! It must be some food from Bengal!”
Was he kidding? Absolutely no, I realized. He definitely had no clue about rajma (and also chawal). Then I realized, he is from Kerala, and that was the first time that he heard of some ‘foreign’ edible (???) object called ‘rajma’!
But I felt bad, not because he doesn’t know about ‘rajma’ but because he knows so much about everything else. He is an authority on Ayan Rand, he has a blog where he discusses about the legal issues in USA on certain specific areas, and debates about spirituality, humanity and other heavily loaded stuff effortlessly.
So, may be I had high expectations of him. May be I expected that perhaps a bright kid like him should have little bigger perspective in life than his daily dose of rice and avyaal.
No, I am not stereotyping. Neither am I trying to point my blunt finger towards a dear friend of mine.
Let me ask a similar and simple question – does any one, up north of the Vindyas, know what are Appams & Idiappams? Frankly, I have been disgusted to see and hear from so many so called ‘educated’ people from the north -‘Woh Madrasi hai, bas idli dosa khata hai’ while talking about say a Telegu or a Kanada or even a Malayalee. My God! - Does any one know that they also exist in Southern India and are not ‘Madrasis’ !!!
Ok! You must be thinking that’s all history. We all know so much about each other. Rite? Wrong!!! Can you tell me how many states are there in North-East India? What are their languages? What are their state capitals?
You know! Great! Then why do you call them ‘Chinkies’ ????
I love my country! I am proud of them! A country where all people living in 4 southern states are called ‘Madrasi’, where we are not ashamed to call our fellow Indians ‘Chinkies’ because of their oriental looks, where a Tamil Brahmin will only give a job to another Tamil Brahmin and not to a Sardar, though the Sardar is more qualified for the job, where we all celebrate with so much enthusiasm the English New Year Day, but have no idea of what a Baishaki, Navabarsha, or Ugadi is!
Oh shit! I must be a crack pot… Don’t I know that India is progressing? And everyone is happily emerged in that euphoria. So why care about a fellow Marathi, a Coorgi, a Kumayuni, a Khasi, or an Asamese? Lets talk China, Germany, Brazil, Russia, EU…. Or simply USA, USA, USA…..
Was he kidding? Absolutely no, I realized. He definitely had no clue about rajma (and also chawal). Then I realized, he is from Kerala, and that was the first time that he heard of some ‘foreign’ edible (???) object called ‘rajma’!
But I felt bad, not because he doesn’t know about ‘rajma’ but because he knows so much about everything else. He is an authority on Ayan Rand, he has a blog where he discusses about the legal issues in USA on certain specific areas, and debates about spirituality, humanity and other heavily loaded stuff effortlessly.
So, may be I had high expectations of him. May be I expected that perhaps a bright kid like him should have little bigger perspective in life than his daily dose of rice and avyaal.
No, I am not stereotyping. Neither am I trying to point my blunt finger towards a dear friend of mine.
Let me ask a similar and simple question – does any one, up north of the Vindyas, know what are Appams & Idiappams? Frankly, I have been disgusted to see and hear from so many so called ‘educated’ people from the north -‘Woh Madrasi hai, bas idli dosa khata hai’ while talking about say a Telegu or a Kanada or even a Malayalee. My God! - Does any one know that they also exist in Southern India and are not ‘Madrasis’ !!!
Ok! You must be thinking that’s all history. We all know so much about each other. Rite? Wrong!!! Can you tell me how many states are there in North-East India? What are their languages? What are their state capitals?
You know! Great! Then why do you call them ‘Chinkies’ ????
I love my country! I am proud of them! A country where all people living in 4 southern states are called ‘Madrasi’, where we are not ashamed to call our fellow Indians ‘Chinkies’ because of their oriental looks, where a Tamil Brahmin will only give a job to another Tamil Brahmin and not to a Sardar, though the Sardar is more qualified for the job, where we all celebrate with so much enthusiasm the English New Year Day, but have no idea of what a Baishaki, Navabarsha, or Ugadi is!
Oh shit! I must be a crack pot… Don’t I know that India is progressing? And everyone is happily emerged in that euphoria. So why care about a fellow Marathi, a Coorgi, a Kumayuni, a Khasi, or an Asamese? Lets talk China, Germany, Brazil, Russia, EU…. Or simply USA, USA, USA…..
Saturday, March 03, 2007
The conversation
“Is it ok to trust someone Ma?” the little girl asked her mother.
“What made you ask this question?” the mother asked.
“I trusted my best friend Sukanya and gave her my favorite game. But she lost it!” said the little girl with sadness in her eyes.
The mother smiles. “That’s ok, honey. You didn’t do anything wrong. You trusted your friend. She lost your game because she is yet to learn how to keep others’ trust. But she will learn. So, be happy”.
The little girl looks up at her mother. Happy and contented she rushes towards the play ground.
Fifteen years later…
The little girl is now grown–up and have just started to work. One day after her work she comes home rather depressed. She goes into her room, throws her bag and plunges into the bed and the room’s darkness.
“that’s not usual!” her mother thinks. “She is always full of energy and lots of stories when she is back from her work!” – she enters her daughter’s room wondering what might have happened today.
“is there something bothering you today, honey” her mother sits down next her and slowly shuffles her daughter’s hair.
“Mama, u remember u told me one day long time back that its ok to trust others? And that I should be happy if I could do that?” she puts her head on her mother’s lap, her mother always smells so fresh to her.
“Yes, I do. But what makes you remember that suddenly? Anything happened”? her mother gets concerned now…her daughter is no more a 6 year old child!
“you know my friend from the collage? Udai?” she asks in a trailing voice.
“Yes, he was not getting any job for a long time, though he did brilliantly in studies. Are you talking about him?” her mother tries to hide her emotions with a calm voice.
“Yes. I gave his resume to my Boss and requested her to see if she could help. That was 6 months back. And you know, Udai actually got the job. I was so happy for him. He also came to me and thanked me so much…I was actually feeling embarrassed.” the daughter stops to take breathe.
Moments pass as if hours…her mother too scared to ask any questions, and the daughter too hurt to express her thoughts. At last she breaks silence.
“Today my boss called me at her office. She told me that Udai has been talking about me. All kinds of things…things which are not very good to hear, and which are not true. Others in the office has come and told this to my Boss. She wanted to know why is Udai doing this.” She stops again, perhaps to make herself believe what she was saying.
“I didn’t know what to say. I was so shocked. Then my boss gave me an advice – never to trust people unless and until I am absolutely sure!”
She sits up now on the bed and looks straight into her mother’s eyes. “I am confused. Was I wrong helping my friend, or it would be right if I don’t trust anyone henceforth?”
“Oh!” her mother thinks to her herself, visibly relaxed, but thoroughly pained seeing how much her daughter was hurt with the incident.
“Listen honey!” she hugs her dear daughter warmly as if trying to protect her from all the adversities of the out-side world. She is 21 years old, but her mother knew her daughter is still too naïve for the world.
“you are 21 years now. And you are working. You know I have always wanted you to take your own decisions and take full responsibilities of them. But let me tell you something from my own experience. We don’t live for the future or the past. We live only for the present and we dream for the future while living in the present. So, at the end of each day what we want is a nice peaceful sleep, so that our dreams for the future are always bright.” She gathers her thoughts together and continues “So, on any day if you find that you are unable to get a peaceful sleep or your dreams are breaking up, wake up and think what you have done that day. Is there something that you did that day which you knew in your heart you should not have done? A wrong act? A wrong decision?” she stops again for a moment.
“And that is what you should be worried about. Are you true to yourself? If yes, don’t worry what others say about you or what they think; because they are not the ones who are going to dream your dreams.”
The daughter looks at her mother for a long moment and gives her a bear hug. She makes up her mind – whatever happens she will never stop dreaming.
“What made you ask this question?” the mother asked.
“I trusted my best friend Sukanya and gave her my favorite game. But she lost it!” said the little girl with sadness in her eyes.
The mother smiles. “That’s ok, honey. You didn’t do anything wrong. You trusted your friend. She lost your game because she is yet to learn how to keep others’ trust. But she will learn. So, be happy”.
The little girl looks up at her mother. Happy and contented she rushes towards the play ground.
Fifteen years later…
The little girl is now grown–up and have just started to work. One day after her work she comes home rather depressed. She goes into her room, throws her bag and plunges into the bed and the room’s darkness.
“that’s not usual!” her mother thinks. “She is always full of energy and lots of stories when she is back from her work!” – she enters her daughter’s room wondering what might have happened today.
“is there something bothering you today, honey” her mother sits down next her and slowly shuffles her daughter’s hair.
“Mama, u remember u told me one day long time back that its ok to trust others? And that I should be happy if I could do that?” she puts her head on her mother’s lap, her mother always smells so fresh to her.
“Yes, I do. But what makes you remember that suddenly? Anything happened”? her mother gets concerned now…her daughter is no more a 6 year old child!
“you know my friend from the collage? Udai?” she asks in a trailing voice.
“Yes, he was not getting any job for a long time, though he did brilliantly in studies. Are you talking about him?” her mother tries to hide her emotions with a calm voice.
“Yes. I gave his resume to my Boss and requested her to see if she could help. That was 6 months back. And you know, Udai actually got the job. I was so happy for him. He also came to me and thanked me so much…I was actually feeling embarrassed.” the daughter stops to take breathe.
Moments pass as if hours…her mother too scared to ask any questions, and the daughter too hurt to express her thoughts. At last she breaks silence.
“Today my boss called me at her office. She told me that Udai has been talking about me. All kinds of things…things which are not very good to hear, and which are not true. Others in the office has come and told this to my Boss. She wanted to know why is Udai doing this.” She stops again, perhaps to make herself believe what she was saying.
“I didn’t know what to say. I was so shocked. Then my boss gave me an advice – never to trust people unless and until I am absolutely sure!”
She sits up now on the bed and looks straight into her mother’s eyes. “I am confused. Was I wrong helping my friend, or it would be right if I don’t trust anyone henceforth?”
“Oh!” her mother thinks to her herself, visibly relaxed, but thoroughly pained seeing how much her daughter was hurt with the incident.
“Listen honey!” she hugs her dear daughter warmly as if trying to protect her from all the adversities of the out-side world. She is 21 years old, but her mother knew her daughter is still too naïve for the world.
“you are 21 years now. And you are working. You know I have always wanted you to take your own decisions and take full responsibilities of them. But let me tell you something from my own experience. We don’t live for the future or the past. We live only for the present and we dream for the future while living in the present. So, at the end of each day what we want is a nice peaceful sleep, so that our dreams for the future are always bright.” She gathers her thoughts together and continues “So, on any day if you find that you are unable to get a peaceful sleep or your dreams are breaking up, wake up and think what you have done that day. Is there something that you did that day which you knew in your heart you should not have done? A wrong act? A wrong decision?” she stops again for a moment.
“And that is what you should be worried about. Are you true to yourself? If yes, don’t worry what others say about you or what they think; because they are not the ones who are going to dream your dreams.”
The daughter looks at her mother for a long moment and gives her a bear hug. She makes up her mind – whatever happens she will never stop dreaming.
Dabba! Or…
I was waiting for my Volvo Bus one Sunday afternoon. And it came. I wanted to go to Kundanahalli and asked for the ticket. With a smile the conductor told me “nehi jayega. Pls get down at Graphite India”. Why? I was lost…oh! Yes, the over-bridge is being constructed and roads are closed!!!
The conductor looks at me and understands what I was thinking. He offers help “graphite India se Dabba le lena…”
Dabba? What is that? He smiles at his own joke; “auto rickshaw” he confirms with a twinkle in his eyes…
Hmmn… I guess a Volvo bus conductor can call an auto rickshaw a dabba!!!
The conductor looks at me and understands what I was thinking. He offers help “graphite India se Dabba le lena…”
Dabba? What is that? He smiles at his own joke; “auto rickshaw” he confirms with a twinkle in his eyes…
Hmmn… I guess a Volvo bus conductor can call an auto rickshaw a dabba!!!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
This is not a Poem
He is the one who loves me the most
He is the one who fights with me the hardest
He is the one who listens to all my nonsense
He is the one who lends me his shoulder when I need to cry
He shares my laughter, jokes and happiness
He fights with me in my crusade for justice
He smiles when I hurt him purposely
He opens up his arms when he sees me from a distance
He is there for the last 20 years in my life
He knows me better than I myself do
He waited for me patiently when I was partying with my friends
He expects nothing from our relation
He is good, kind and a darling
He is a “Dude’ and he laughs when I call him so
He is caring and knows his mind
He never called me a “Babe”
He stood by me in thick n thin
He stood by me when no one was there
He pushed me to be happy when I am sad
He pulled me down to earth when I was flying
He is the one who helped me grow better
He is the one who made me stronger
He is the one just right for me
He is the one who crowned me Princess…
He is my SOUL MATE
Many thanks my dear Blue, to show me so many hues of your color…without you I will be lost…
He is the one who fights with me the hardest
He is the one who listens to all my nonsense
He is the one who lends me his shoulder when I need to cry
He shares my laughter, jokes and happiness
He fights with me in my crusade for justice
He smiles when I hurt him purposely
He opens up his arms when he sees me from a distance
He is there for the last 20 years in my life
He knows me better than I myself do
He waited for me patiently when I was partying with my friends
He expects nothing from our relation
He is good, kind and a darling
He is a “Dude’ and he laughs when I call him so
He is caring and knows his mind
He never called me a “Babe”
He stood by me in thick n thin
He stood by me when no one was there
He pushed me to be happy when I am sad
He pulled me down to earth when I was flying
He is the one who helped me grow better
He is the one who made me stronger
He is the one just right for me
He is the one who crowned me Princess…
He is my SOUL MATE
Many thanks my dear Blue, to show me so many hues of your color…without you I will be lost…
And Happiness continues...
I fell in love the first time when I was 21. He was older than me by many years and was not-so-happily married. I found that out through my various interactions with him, and by the way he used to hide his sorrow in his smiles. He is the most dignified man I had ever met and though, I never told him about my feelings, he is still the man I love the most.
I fell in love once again, may be just to prove that its possible to love more than one person at a time. This time I was happy, my new man was also in love with me. He was handsome, soft spoken and with a terrific sense of humor.
So, our love story continued to grow…
After 8 long years of being together, he finally decided that I am not the girl his mom would like to have as the daughter-in-law; so in a minute he spelt out his verdict, and I was out of his life for ever.
Wait a minute, why I am writing all these! Have I lost hope on life? On love? On trust?
Yes, I was shaken when I realized what has happened to me once we broke-off. I was mad, I was angry, I was helpless. I felt like I was fooled for all these years, taken for a ride and exploited. I cursed, blamed and cried. The end result that followed was that I got sick, my pillow got soaked, and I lost touch with the outside world.
No, that’s not the end of the story.
On one of those innumerable sleepless nights, I suddenly realized that I am actually feeling better – of being free, liberated, and not in constant apprehension of losing someone by displeasing him with my actions. Wow! Isn’t that great! I have lost 8 of my precious years on someone who didn’t deserve it, but hey! I have another 10, 20, 30 … years of life to myself !
So, I CTRL Z my memory of these 8 years (I borrowed this from a dear friend!) converting the man into a bean pole, and open up all the windows in my life…
Do I need another Man in life? I am sure I do! But, I am in no hurry. May be someday I shall cross path with yet another man, and shall begin my next love story…
I fell in love once again, may be just to prove that its possible to love more than one person at a time. This time I was happy, my new man was also in love with me. He was handsome, soft spoken and with a terrific sense of humor.
So, our love story continued to grow…
After 8 long years of being together, he finally decided that I am not the girl his mom would like to have as the daughter-in-law; so in a minute he spelt out his verdict, and I was out of his life for ever.
Wait a minute, why I am writing all these! Have I lost hope on life? On love? On trust?
Yes, I was shaken when I realized what has happened to me once we broke-off. I was mad, I was angry, I was helpless. I felt like I was fooled for all these years, taken for a ride and exploited. I cursed, blamed and cried. The end result that followed was that I got sick, my pillow got soaked, and I lost touch with the outside world.
No, that’s not the end of the story.
On one of those innumerable sleepless nights, I suddenly realized that I am actually feeling better – of being free, liberated, and not in constant apprehension of losing someone by displeasing him with my actions. Wow! Isn’t that great! I have lost 8 of my precious years on someone who didn’t deserve it, but hey! I have another 10, 20, 30 … years of life to myself !
So, I CTRL Z my memory of these 8 years (I borrowed this from a dear friend!) converting the man into a bean pole, and open up all the windows in my life…
Do I need another Man in life? I am sure I do! But, I am in no hurry. May be someday I shall cross path with yet another man, and shall begin my next love story…
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
14th Feb - The Lonely Hearts’ Day
14th Feb is Valentine’s Day. It is supposed to be a special day for people in love. The air is “filled” with “love” created quite effectively by different companies through their advertisements for various products and promotions; and all men and women who are in love, are, supposedly, waiting for the “D-day” to come – to express their love with diamonds, flowers, perfumes, dinners, holidays, etc. etc. etc.
Ok, so 14th Feb is the only day when you can tell your beloved one how much you love him, I mean materially; and therefore, if one cant afford to give an expensive present (from the innumerable ones being displayed on newspapers daily) she stands the chance of losing her sweet heart to a more prosperous opponent. Simple - if you can’t afford, you lose!
So…
What about those people who don’t have that special person in life? Someone who is lonely, alone and may be has lost her beloved sometimes back? Imagine the pain she will go through remembering the old days of togetherness – the last valentine’s day together, the candle light dinner, the walk on the terrace and the purple flower that her boy friend had given her at the end of the day when she had stopped expecting a gift from him…
Or, take for example, someone who is yet to find her boyfriend/lover/sweet heart... Will she feel lonelier on this day? More sad at her single status, more upset at not being liked by at least one person on this earth for so long in life?
Who knows? And who cares?
May be on a valentine days we are not supposed to remember these people – they don’t form the target audience of these uncountable products and services that do millions of rupees of business on this occasion.
Besides, beyond the tinted glass, the real world is always boring, dull and color-less.
Ok, so 14th Feb is the only day when you can tell your beloved one how much you love him, I mean materially; and therefore, if one cant afford to give an expensive present (from the innumerable ones being displayed on newspapers daily) she stands the chance of losing her sweet heart to a more prosperous opponent. Simple - if you can’t afford, you lose!
So…
What about those people who don’t have that special person in life? Someone who is lonely, alone and may be has lost her beloved sometimes back? Imagine the pain she will go through remembering the old days of togetherness – the last valentine’s day together, the candle light dinner, the walk on the terrace and the purple flower that her boy friend had given her at the end of the day when she had stopped expecting a gift from him…
Or, take for example, someone who is yet to find her boyfriend/lover/sweet heart... Will she feel lonelier on this day? More sad at her single status, more upset at not being liked by at least one person on this earth for so long in life?
Who knows? And who cares?
May be on a valentine days we are not supposed to remember these people – they don’t form the target audience of these uncountable products and services that do millions of rupees of business on this occasion.
Besides, beyond the tinted glass, the real world is always boring, dull and color-less.
Friday, February 09, 2007
I have plenty of Friends
Being a Sagittarius, I make plenty of friends all the time. And being a Sagittarius, I even call an acquaintance my friend!
My relationship with most of them last a life time. No, I am not the universal friend who sleeps, breaths and lives friendship…I simply understand each one them just a little to well.
Over the years that I have seen people (and called them my Friends) I have discovered that there are actually different kinds of them available. Since I didn’t have much work to do today (as if I always work!), I made a list of them. I would really like to know what you think of this J
Here is the list of different kinds of ‘friends’ (strictly my understanding)
“Will have fun, but don’t ask for help” – the most common of the species
“I will be your friend so long I get something from you” – a plenty of them
“I am all eyes and ears to you but can’t wait to vomit them on others as soon as you leave” even guys!
“Friendship! Who cares? Lets sleep..” – The easiest ones to find
“I am jealous of you, that’s why I am your friend” – My God!
“Will stand by you whatever happens” - a very few
“Will give you a patient hearing to all your stories without passing any judgment” – very very rare
“the soul mate” – I found and lost L
At present, I am surrounded by all them except the last one. And the things that I have learnt from them are that, you need all these types of friends in your life, because they not only add variety to your life, but they also provide you with a crash course in recognizing people whom you otherwise meet or deal with.
Besides, you can always pick and chose the one for a day depending your mood and requirements…see, I have already learnt quite a lot !!!!
What do you think ?
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Make your own Rainbow!
I paint a rainbow everyday and every night I wipe it off.
No, this is not a negative statement. In fact it’s a very positive one – it shows that I look forward to every morning to paint a brighter rainbow. And if I say that it’s been all my effort alone, it will be incorrect. There have been some incredible people who have helped me by handing over to me the correct brush and the color, at the right time.
My rainbow has so many colors – the yellow and the pink; the red and the purple, the green and the gold, the white and the violet… but it doesn’t have the color blue!
Whenever I try to paint my rainbow with blue, a friend of mine will appear on the horizon. He will wipe of the blue and paint it yellow or red or pink. I got so fed up with them, that after a while, I gave up – I don’t stock blue any more!
My rainbows are becoming more colorful with each passing day. Yesterday I had painted it with yellow. Today my favorite color is pink…
And who says a rainbow needs to have only 7 colors?
No, this is not a negative statement. In fact it’s a very positive one – it shows that I look forward to every morning to paint a brighter rainbow. And if I say that it’s been all my effort alone, it will be incorrect. There have been some incredible people who have helped me by handing over to me the correct brush and the color, at the right time.
My rainbow has so many colors – the yellow and the pink; the red and the purple, the green and the gold, the white and the violet… but it doesn’t have the color blue!
Whenever I try to paint my rainbow with blue, a friend of mine will appear on the horizon. He will wipe of the blue and paint it yellow or red or pink. I got so fed up with them, that after a while, I gave up – I don’t stock blue any more!
My rainbows are becoming more colorful with each passing day. Yesterday I had painted it with yellow. Today my favorite color is pink…
And who says a rainbow needs to have only 7 colors?
Thursday, February 01, 2007
The Conditions of Unconditional Love: my explanations
A friend of mine read my last post and said “oh, u don’t believe in relations!” Does my writing evoke that feeling? I realized I need to elaborate on my thoughts .
My Didibhai (my grandmom – mother’s mother) was married when she was 16. That was 1943. My granddad was 21. My mom is their only child. My granddad had a transferable job and has lived across the country, with my didibhai following him like a dutiful wife.
My grand dad passed away in 1978, when I was just a small child. And since my mom didn’t have any other siblings, my didibhai came to stay with us. I literally grew up with her. And she found solace in me and my brother and devoted all her life for both of us.
I lost my didibhai on May 1, 2002.
For 24 years she stayed with us doing everything possible a grandmom can do and at most times doing much more than that. Her whole universe circled around our family and its well being. (Sadly though, we all took her for granted, always thinking she is there anytime we need her; sometimes even forgetting that she also has some needs in life.)
During all these years that she was there with us, I have never seen her going to bed at night without once thinking about her husband…and more the time passed, her feelings about her husband, who was no more, grew stronger. She was his partner for 35 years when he was alive, and she was still a partner to him for another 24 years until she died.
Looking back and thinking about her, I realize that on her part she was only imparting unconditional love – to her husband, the family that she was forced to adopt post her husband’s death and above all my brother and me. This was unconditional because her love was not based on any expectations – from any one of us. She did it because she knew that to be the only way to love and give.
When I write “Conditions of Unconditional Love” I do not necessarily mean that I (or we) are only on the receiving end. I give my self the “condition” that if I love someone or something it has to be without any expectations. It’s a great challenge, but whether I want to take that challenge or not, it’s entirely up to me, because at the end of the day, all I need is a peaceful sleep.
(I am sure everyone has seen someone like my didibhai in their life…may be we are too busy to reshuffle our thoughts and dig their memories out. But believe me, it’s worth the effort)
My Didibhai (my grandmom – mother’s mother) was married when she was 16. That was 1943. My granddad was 21. My mom is their only child. My granddad had a transferable job and has lived across the country, with my didibhai following him like a dutiful wife.
My grand dad passed away in 1978, when I was just a small child. And since my mom didn’t have any other siblings, my didibhai came to stay with us. I literally grew up with her. And she found solace in me and my brother and devoted all her life for both of us.
I lost my didibhai on May 1, 2002.
For 24 years she stayed with us doing everything possible a grandmom can do and at most times doing much more than that. Her whole universe circled around our family and its well being. (Sadly though, we all took her for granted, always thinking she is there anytime we need her; sometimes even forgetting that she also has some needs in life.)
During all these years that she was there with us, I have never seen her going to bed at night without once thinking about her husband…and more the time passed, her feelings about her husband, who was no more, grew stronger. She was his partner for 35 years when he was alive, and she was still a partner to him for another 24 years until she died.
Looking back and thinking about her, I realize that on her part she was only imparting unconditional love – to her husband, the family that she was forced to adopt post her husband’s death and above all my brother and me. This was unconditional because her love was not based on any expectations – from any one of us. She did it because she knew that to be the only way to love and give.
When I write “Conditions of Unconditional Love” I do not necessarily mean that I (or we) are only on the receiving end. I give my self the “condition” that if I love someone or something it has to be without any expectations. It’s a great challenge, but whether I want to take that challenge or not, it’s entirely up to me, because at the end of the day, all I need is a peaceful sleep.
(I am sure everyone has seen someone like my didibhai in their life…may be we are too busy to reshuffle our thoughts and dig their memories out. But believe me, it’s worth the effort)
Monday, January 29, 2007
The Conditions of Unconditional Love
Something was bothering me for a while…it was one of those nagging thoughts at the back of your minds on which u just cant put a finger…I was irritated, annoyed and upset.
Then I happened to read the post of my dear friend Shanu, more comfortable as the Memory Man, and I instantly knew what it was…
Unconditional Love or may be the Myth of Unconditional Love.
I must agree that my dear friend has come up with a very original thinking; and I am really impressed with him.
However, I think I need to share my thoughts as well.
All relations that one experiences in one’s life are based on selfish needs. And let me be very frank, that this includes the relationship between the mother, the son, the father, the daughter, the husband n wife, lovers, etc. (The only relation that is not purely selfish even today is the relation between two friends and as I understand its more of unconditional faith between them and less unconditional love.)
I will give some examples.
The mother gives the best food to that child who she thinks will be more successful in life and will look after her. The son thinks of looking after his mother when he thinks that his mother has taken care of him as per his ‘believed minimum’ standards.
The husband, who married his childhood sweetheart after defying his parents, doesn’t want to live with her anymore, because she is no more what she used to be before marriage – now she is more successful and earns better salary.
The girl in love doesn’t want her boyfriend to meet his other friends…and threats that she will leave if he meets them, because she wants his full time attention.
So, when the basis of each relation is selfishness, how can there be unconditional love!
Now back to my own nagging thoughts.
Last few months have been very difficult for me – emotionally, physically and monetarily. And during these days – I have seen people stand by me / walk past indifferently or, even making merry at my problems. And sadly, the last two categories filled up the entire pie chart. The miniscule proportion which represents “stood by me” is the very few friends who showed unconditional faith, support and encouragement.
To most of them, I could give nothing in return…only wishing for them happiness and luck for their life. I know, these are “wishful” wishes, and I can only hope that I can also stand by them in case they ever need me so sometimes in future…
So, where are those so called “made in heaven” relationships? Those people who are “expected” to stand by you? People for whom you are not supposed to raise your eyebrows and are thought to be around you - to lean back at the difficult times of life?
Let’s get back to basics – There is no unconditional relationship, no unconditional love, no unconditional giving. It’s all conditional give-n-take – the transactions that we do or negotiate to strive through life. Why not then break the “Myth” of unconditional blah, blah, blah…and save ourselves from all related sufferings?
Then I happened to read the post of my dear friend Shanu, more comfortable as the Memory Man, and I instantly knew what it was…
Unconditional Love or may be the Myth of Unconditional Love.
I must agree that my dear friend has come up with a very original thinking; and I am really impressed with him.
However, I think I need to share my thoughts as well.
All relations that one experiences in one’s life are based on selfish needs. And let me be very frank, that this includes the relationship between the mother, the son, the father, the daughter, the husband n wife, lovers, etc. (The only relation that is not purely selfish even today is the relation between two friends and as I understand its more of unconditional faith between them and less unconditional love.)
I will give some examples.
The mother gives the best food to that child who she thinks will be more successful in life and will look after her. The son thinks of looking after his mother when he thinks that his mother has taken care of him as per his ‘believed minimum’ standards.
The husband, who married his childhood sweetheart after defying his parents, doesn’t want to live with her anymore, because she is no more what she used to be before marriage – now she is more successful and earns better salary.
The girl in love doesn’t want her boyfriend to meet his other friends…and threats that she will leave if he meets them, because she wants his full time attention.
So, when the basis of each relation is selfishness, how can there be unconditional love!
Now back to my own nagging thoughts.
Last few months have been very difficult for me – emotionally, physically and monetarily. And during these days – I have seen people stand by me / walk past indifferently or, even making merry at my problems. And sadly, the last two categories filled up the entire pie chart. The miniscule proportion which represents “stood by me” is the very few friends who showed unconditional faith, support and encouragement.
To most of them, I could give nothing in return…only wishing for them happiness and luck for their life. I know, these are “wishful” wishes, and I can only hope that I can also stand by them in case they ever need me so sometimes in future…
So, where are those so called “made in heaven” relationships? Those people who are “expected” to stand by you? People for whom you are not supposed to raise your eyebrows and are thought to be around you - to lean back at the difficult times of life?
Let’s get back to basics – There is no unconditional relationship, no unconditional love, no unconditional giving. It’s all conditional give-n-take – the transactions that we do or negotiate to strive through life. Why not then break the “Myth” of unconditional blah, blah, blah…and save ourselves from all related sufferings?
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Life is lost...
Everyday morning I get up at 6.30 am. The first thing that I do once I leave my bed is to switch on the geyser. Then I slowly move towards the kitchen put some water on boil and prepare my cup of tea…trying to kick myself to complete awakeness…
By 7:35 I get ready, grab my breakfast, lock the door and rush towards the bus stop…I need to get into the 7.45 bus to reach my office on time on a week day; on Saturdays, I can have the leisure of choosing between the 8:10 or the 8:30 bus! (I can’t complain though – its one of those few Volvo buses who do us the honor of picking us up whenever they feel so)
By the time I get back home after the entire day’s ordeal it’s almost 9:45 at night. Now I need to prepare my dinner, wash my clothes left in the morning and then with a book at my side, I plunge in to my bed…the book at most times, remain untouched.
Saturdays are fun! I go to the shop – to buy my weekly rations of milk, cornflakes, bread, fruits and any other thing that grabs my fancy for the moment. I hurry back, fix myself a drink or two, watch a movie on the television, make some dinner for myself (the quick fix types) and feeling euphoric to finish one more week in life go for an unhurried sleep to welcome the Sunday.
So, what’s wrong with this? Nothing if you look from the surface. I have no family to take care of, no rules to play by, or no one to ask me questions…I am the Boss of my life.
Or am I?
But then, I don’t have any friends, I don’t get time to indulge in any of my passions, I hardly travel to other places any more and I don’t have any body to talk to once I open my door to my house everyday at night. I know I am saving my life by not talking much during the day, but I am killing myself with loneliness otherwise…
The other day a long-distance friend asked me a strange question “Susmita, are you happy?” It made me thinking. Though my answer to him was “Happiness is a state of mind, and so whenever I can condition my mind to happiness I am happy”; but it’s not entirely true…we need the right recipe to condition ourselves to happiness also!
It’s a major dilemma in life. The life I lead is chosen by me and I don’t complain. And I know like me there are many other men n women who are confused with their life and about its meaning. But the hitch remains…the sleep is not undisturbed, the mornings not inviting and meaning to live still lost somewhere in the chaos of life’s circus.
By 7:35 I get ready, grab my breakfast, lock the door and rush towards the bus stop…I need to get into the 7.45 bus to reach my office on time on a week day; on Saturdays, I can have the leisure of choosing between the 8:10 or the 8:30 bus! (I can’t complain though – its one of those few Volvo buses who do us the honor of picking us up whenever they feel so)
By the time I get back home after the entire day’s ordeal it’s almost 9:45 at night. Now I need to prepare my dinner, wash my clothes left in the morning and then with a book at my side, I plunge in to my bed…the book at most times, remain untouched.
Saturdays are fun! I go to the shop – to buy my weekly rations of milk, cornflakes, bread, fruits and any other thing that grabs my fancy for the moment. I hurry back, fix myself a drink or two, watch a movie on the television, make some dinner for myself (the quick fix types) and feeling euphoric to finish one more week in life go for an unhurried sleep to welcome the Sunday.
So, what’s wrong with this? Nothing if you look from the surface. I have no family to take care of, no rules to play by, or no one to ask me questions…I am the Boss of my life.
Or am I?
But then, I don’t have any friends, I don’t get time to indulge in any of my passions, I hardly travel to other places any more and I don’t have any body to talk to once I open my door to my house everyday at night. I know I am saving my life by not talking much during the day, but I am killing myself with loneliness otherwise…
The other day a long-distance friend asked me a strange question “Susmita, are you happy?” It made me thinking. Though my answer to him was “Happiness is a state of mind, and so whenever I can condition my mind to happiness I am happy”; but it’s not entirely true…we need the right recipe to condition ourselves to happiness also!
It’s a major dilemma in life. The life I lead is chosen by me and I don’t complain. And I know like me there are many other men n women who are confused with their life and about its meaning. But the hitch remains…the sleep is not undisturbed, the mornings not inviting and meaning to live still lost somewhere in the chaos of life’s circus.
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