The Conditions of Unconditional Love: my explanations

A friend of mine read my last post and said “oh, u don’t believe in relations!” Does my writing evoke that feeling? I realized I need to elaborate on my thoughts .


My Didibhai (my grandmom – mother’s mother) was married when she was 16. That was 1943. My granddad was 21. My mom is their only child. My granddad had a transferable job and has lived across the country, with my didibhai following him like a dutiful wife.

My grand dad passed away in 1978, when I was just a small child. And since my mom didn’t have any other siblings, my didibhai came to stay with us. I literally grew up with her. And she found solace in me and my brother and devoted all her life for both of us.


I lost my didibhai on May 1, 2002.

For 24 years she stayed with us doing everything possible a grandmom can do and at most times doing much more than that. Her whole universe circled around our family and its well being. (Sadly though, we all took her for granted, always thinking she is there anytime we need her; sometimes even forgetting that she also has some needs in life.)

During all these years that she was there with us, I have never seen her going to bed at night without once thinking about her husband…and more the time passed, her feelings about her husband, who was no more, grew stronger. She was his partner for 35 years when he was alive, and she was still a partner to him for another 24 years until she died.

Looking back and thinking about her, I realize that on her part she was only imparting unconditional love – to her husband, the family that she was forced to adopt post her husband’s death and above all my brother and me. This was unconditional because her love was not based on any expectations – from any one of us. She did it because she knew that to be the only way to love and give.


When I write “Conditions of Unconditional Love” I do not necessarily mean that I (or we) are only on the receiving end. I give my self the “condition” that if I love someone or something it has to be without any expectations. It’s a great challenge, but whether I want to take that challenge or not, it’s entirely up to me, because at the end of the day, all I need is a peaceful sleep.


(I am sure everyone has seen someone like my didibhai in their life…may be we are too busy to reshuffle our thoughts and dig their memories out. But believe me, it’s worth the effort)