Something was bothering me for a while…it was one of those nagging thoughts at the back of your minds on which u just cant put a finger…I was irritated, annoyed and upset.
Then I happened to read the post of my dear friend Shanu, more comfortable as the Memory Man, and I instantly knew what it was…
Unconditional Love or may be the Myth of Unconditional Love.
I must agree that my dear friend has come up with a very original thinking; and I am really impressed with him.
However, I think I need to share my thoughts as well.
All relations that one experiences in one’s life are based on selfish needs. And let me be very frank, that this includes the relationship between the mother, the son, the father, the daughter, the husband n wife, lovers, etc. (The only relation that is not purely selfish even today is the relation between two friends and as I understand its more of unconditional faith between them and less unconditional love.)
I will give some examples.
The mother gives the best food to that child who she thinks will be more successful in life and will look after her. The son thinks of looking after his mother when he thinks that his mother has taken care of him as per his ‘believed minimum’ standards.
The husband, who married his childhood sweetheart after defying his parents, doesn’t want to live with her anymore, because she is no more what she used to be before marriage – now she is more successful and earns better salary.
The girl in love doesn’t want her boyfriend to meet his other friends…and threats that she will leave if he meets them, because she wants his full time attention.
So, when the basis of each relation is selfishness, how can there be unconditional love!
Now back to my own nagging thoughts.
Last few months have been very difficult for me – emotionally, physically and monetarily. And during these days – I have seen people stand by me / walk past indifferently or, even making merry at my problems. And sadly, the last two categories filled up the entire pie chart. The miniscule proportion which represents “stood by me” is the very few friends who showed unconditional faith, support and encouragement.
To most of them, I could give nothing in return…only wishing for them happiness and luck for their life. I know, these are “wishful” wishes, and I can only hope that I can also stand by them in case they ever need me so sometimes in future…
So, where are those so called “made in heaven” relationships? Those people who are “expected” to stand by you? People for whom you are not supposed to raise your eyebrows and are thought to be around you - to lean back at the difficult times of life?
Let’s get back to basics – There is no unconditional relationship, no unconditional love, no unconditional giving. It’s all conditional give-n-take – the transactions that we do or negotiate to strive through life. Why not then break the “Myth” of unconditional blah, blah, blah…and save ourselves from all related sufferings?
4 comments:
Agreed.
..we need to turn towards ourselves if we need happiness.
But i do believe selfish relations takes a person no where, and when all the lights are out and your by urself u can never feel secure becuase you will treat every relationship you have as a mask of selfishness.
Hey, I appreciate your PoV. I may not have that much experience n knowledge that you have, however, one thing, which I think, the analogy you presented "The mother gives the best food to that child who she thinks will be more successful in life and will look after her. The son thinks of looking after his mother when he thinks that his mother has taken care of him as per his ‘believed minimum’ standards." may not necessarily be true.
"The mother gives the best food to that child who she thinks will be more successful in life and will look after her." is not true...I have a son...and if I think of giving him healthy food so that he is healthy "there is no lookign after me that comes.." I dont know if he will take care of me..or not..when I grow old..But its not my expectation....and my decisions for him...even more complex like him having to study in a far of place..would be for his good.
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