The Blessings of Silence

I got this in my mail from an on-line Self enrichment group.... I simply loved it. So I copy it here for you:

"We all feel awkward when faced with the most difficult situations in life like a friend's grief on the loss of a loved one or a diagnosis of cancer to someone you know or even a relative's shocking affair. Your first thought would be to try and think of something to say. Some even get tongue-tied trying to come up with some advice. But you know what you can do better? Keep quiet.

Imagine your friend as a tea kettle that's about to boil. What they're feeling is so confusing that a smallest thing might unbalance whatever semblance of control they have. Remember that everyone at this heightened level of emotion already had all the scenarios played out in their heads even before they came to you. Talking about it is just a way for them to get out the most important of all questions: "what happens now?" Variations of which are: "how do I go on without him?"; "what would I do with the house?"; "how do I tell the kids?"; "what will I do?" etc. Coming to you was their way of slowly coming to terms with the shock of the situation - it happened and much as they wish it never did, the deed was done. And since what they have on their mind is as confusing as a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle, they want to work out the pieces in their proper slot with someone who won't judge them. That's when silence becomes a gift. When you give them silence, it's like permission for them to express their most profound fears or guilt and somehow, that simple action can make them realize that it's not as bad as it seems. Some even find brilliant solutions to their problems all on their own.


So let them talk it out and offer very little comments - even if in the middle of their ramblings you find yourself wanting to jump in with a remark or two. Even if you have been in the same situation as what they're in right now - everybody's problems are different and what worked for you might not work for them. Wait for them to ask you for advice and speak from your experience. Gently remind them though that you don't guarantee its effectiveness or lack thereof. But assure them that you'll be there for them whatever happens.

Bless a frantic heart with silence. Most of the time, a touch, a hug and a listening ear are what they needed more than any other action or pep talk. That just might be the only thing they need."

Happy Reading!

Susmita