Hmmn… whenever I get near to my birthday, I start feeling very edgy. I get a feeling that I need to run away somewhere, or hide myself in a corner, and wish no one remembers this date.
I know my parents n my bro will remember it, and so will a very few but close people – but can’t they forget it somehow!!
I don’t know why I hate my birthdays so much, may be because I grew up knowing that it was a big mistake that I was born after all. Everyone has stories in their life, so do I. So what? I don’t need to romanticize that now; at this age!
But may be I never really understood who I am… Am I the grown up, big girl who wants so desperately to get back her childhood? Or, am I someone who is already tired of the iron mask on her face put on to fit into the civilized world? Am I the daughter, or the sister? The business woman? Or the wanna be writer who writes random thoughts and calls them poem? Am I the person who shifted 6 cities in 10 years ? or am I the one who wants to build a small home in a small village on the snow-clad hills? Am I the one who crave for love? Or am I the one who ignores love as a useless accessory?
Who am I? Who is Chandramukhee? Is she for real? Or she is just an alter ego of someone else?
Hell! No! I am sounding confused, man! How can I sound so lost? Am not the brave woman of today who can face all challenges in life and not ask for any help? Then? I will again cut my birthday cake, blow off the candle , party all night and say “Thank You” to whoever wishes me well… what the hell! Am I becoming the person I am wearing the mask of???
